Jeri's Easy, Marlene's Got Sass, Plus Vegas-Baby-Vegas, Greco Swingin' And A Bongo Crazy Secret Song!

Did you have an Auntie Mame as a child?

Bucket Of Sads: Jackie Collins

"My one weakness is leopard print," said the goddess of print. 

You can have your twatlight vampires and fifty shades of tacky and whatevs; I'll take Jackie any day. I was first introduced to her at age fifteen while working at a movie theatre as an usher. There was nothing to do while the movie was actually running and Debbie the manager took pity on me. "Here," she said, tossing me her well-worn copy of Chances. "You'll never be bored again." I read it one night. I'm not kidding. I was hooked. But what, you ask, does this have to do with music?

Premium Porter, Lenny's Dirty Mouth, Vince At The Beach, Plus A Divine Secret Song!

Can you guess who's pictured above? If you guessed Peggy Lee, then you're quicker than me. It's a very young Peggy, of course; the picture was likely taken in the mid-1930s when she was singing at The Buttery Room in Chicago (still a decade away from releasing her first record). What I don't know is when she sang her first Cole Porter song, but I'm glad she's included on "The Very Best Of Cole Porter" - a De-Lovely Cheerful Exclusive! - a compilation where she performs "My Heart Belongs To Daddy" like a perfect (semi) virgin.

Burlesque Babes, Helen's Crazy Dream, Plus Tiki Tribe Tats, Robin's Giggles And A Spoon-Fed Secret Song!

A few years back, "Burlesque," a movie starring the pre-bloat Christina Aguilera and a plasticine-faced Cher, purported to reveal the world of nouveau-burlesque. It's since become a minor camp classic (I say "minor" because, yes, it's unintentionally funny, but not quite awful and funny enough to qualify as major). Sadly, the dancing wasn't all that good. It was "magazine-ish sexy" in the vein of old MTV videos or Dita Von Teese, and though I grudgingly admire Ms. Dita's business acumen (so much renown for such little effort), what she does is not real burlesque. This, ladies and germs, is burlesque:

If you and yours have a burning desire to dance and swing like the buxom broad above (and I don't know why you wouldn't) then you'll need proper musical accompaniment. And honest, I can't think of anything better for such moves than 2011's "Burlesque Swing," a primo compilation that'll keep you up off your knees with new and newly-restored tunes like "Peroxide Swing," "Marijuana Cha Cha Cha," and "Pap's In Bed With His Britches On" (the only misstep is a semi-annoying remix of "Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend," but you can uncheck it, as I have, on your iTunes, or just delete it).