Happy Holidays With Blonde Betty, Mamie's Husband, A Bluesy Wives Sunday, Plus Billie's Latest And A Timely Outtake Secret Song!

"Do you feel like cleaning?" my Cuban Luvah asked me today. I responded with a baleful chuckle, because who ever feels like cleaning? No, really. Who? Besides, in these Trying Times™, being a slackwad suits me just fine, thankyouverymuch. It also gives me time to listen to more music, which includes the tunes of Patty McGovern.

Trudy's Blues, Mystery Sue, A Gaggle of Gershwins, Plus A Spoonful Of Hank And A "Justice For" Secret Song!

It's been quite a month so far, hasn't it? Have you been righteously protesting? Or have you been posing like a ho? Because "Black Lives Matter" isn't serious without an Instagram photo shoot, amirite? Ugh. Don't get me started. It's time to take a break, if only briefly, with some wonderful music from the divine Miss Trudy Lynn.

Exclusive Gloria, Plus Betty's Completeness, More Maisel Music, Herrmann's Tippi, Plus A Former Bowie Band Member Secret Song!

There's no one like Gloria Lynne. She can take on any musical genre - jazz, blues, Broadway, pop - and bend them to her will. It's no wonder that she won a first prize trophy at an Apollo Theatre amateur talent contest in the 1930s - after lying about her age in order to qualify, since she was only 15 years old. Such spunk!

Cult Movie Jams, Billie's Box, Mancini Madness, Plus Bad, Bad Girls, A Halloweenie Surprise, And A Juicy Secret Song!

The first time I saw "Blue Velvet" was the first showing on its first day of release. The theatre was sparsely populated; just me, a friend, and few Upper East Side golden agers who weren't at all prepared for what soon unspooled. I wasn't, either.

Oodles Of Fall Fun From Billie and Rita, Plus George Swings, Tipsy Teases And A Swingin' Robotic Secret Song!

Whoopee! There are days when I just want to celebrate, and today is one of them, because an LP that's been out of print for over fifty years has just been gorgeously restored and re-released.

Kane 'Boop-A-Doops,' Billie Restored, Plus Miyoshi's Best And A Hip-Swingin' Secret Song!

The Great Depression and Betty Boop, forever intertwined. I'm willing to wager that she's still recognized the world over - like Mickey Mouse and Coca-Cola - which isn't much of a stretch, if you think about it. After all, who hasn't seen her, either on keychains and pins, or posters and greeting cards or other doo-hickeys? Even if you've never watched a Betty Boop cartoon (and most people born after 1970 haven't), you've at least heard her high-pitched "Boop-boop-a-doop!" catchphrase. 

Part of what made Betty so irresistible was her high-pitched, squeaky singing. Several actresses voiced her throughout the years, but only one actually inspired her creation. It happened in 1927. Vaudevillian Helen Kane was in the midst of launching her solo singing career when, one night, she improvised scat lyrics - and yes, they were "boop-boop-a-doop." This launched both her singing and movie career. And Betty Boop. 

But Helen was not chosen to voice Betty.

Billie Times Six, Songs By Sylvia, Plus A Jazzy 'Lady' And A Dreamy Girl Secret Song!

Is Billie photo-bombing that vase of flowers or is it the other way around? Regardless, it's one of the few color pictures of "Lady Day," as they called her, so I had to use it. Everybody loves Billie Holiday, and hopefully, we're now far enough away from her heyday to appreciate her genius anew.

Ann Lets Loose, Rombi Gets Sinister (And Romantic), Devil Gets A Woman, Billie's Everything, Plus A 6.096 Meter Secret Song!

Quelle scandale! Ann Richards posed for Playboy in 1961, shocking the music world. Yet as beautiful as she was, Ann led a troubled life. She was underrated as a singer, her career sputtered here and there. And despite her marriage to jazz great Stan Kenton and giving birth to their two children, she died in 1982 at age 46 from a self-inflicted gun shot. 

Right, so that's no fun, but her singing remains captivating. In this Oh, Ann, Cheerful Exclusive!, she cuts loose (and how) with the Bill Marx Trio in "Live...At the Losers," the "Losers" being the name of a now-shuttered club, one of the first in Hollywood to include topless entertainment. It's a great jazz set, and not only because of Ann's sharply phrased vocals, but her bright, witty personality. When she performs "Come Rain Or Come Shine," there's no underlying desperation in her voice as you sometimes hear when it's sung by others (which is the obvious choice). With Ann, it's a bold dare in two tart minutes. 

Speaking of bewitching, have you seen "Swimming Pool" with Ludivine Sagnier? That's her reclining poolside below. 

And then there's Charlotte Rampling as the writer on retreat. Her life is about to go topsy-turvy because of the wily Ludivine. Look out, Charlotte!

Is it a mystery? A thriller? A drama? Kind of all three, and though it doesn't make much sense when all is said and done, it's a delight to watch (and a perfect end-of-summer rental). The music - by Phillippe Rombi, the corrupted, bastard son of Herrmann and Donaggio, and filmmaker Francois Ozon's favorite composer - is both seductive and thrilling. You needn't have seen the movie. It's a terrific listening experience all on its own, I promise.

In a more straight-dramatic vein, Rombi delivers a lushly romantic, yet heartbreaking, soundtrack for Ozon's underrated "5x2," the story of a married couple's dissolution told in reverse order, similar to Pinter's "Betrayal" (which I personally couldn't stomach) (those tick-tock pauses allegedly loaded with meaning drove me up the wall). It's one of Rombi's most emotionally rounded scores, and like "Swimming Pool," a great stand-alone experience, I promise (again!).

Oh, so many emotions, so many feelings! It's time to jazz things up a bit, don't you think (just nod, "yes"). And, really, can you get any more life-affirming than Ma Rainey?

But wait! Ma Rainey isn't the only jazz and blues star included in "Devil Got My Woman," a fabulous must-have compilation for fans of early blues classics. There's Willie Brown and Skip James and Leroy Carr and oodles and oodles more. Trust me, you want.

And yet, how can we even talk about jazz with mentioning Billie Holiday? Here's Billie backstage with her beloved dog Mister, who's happily snacking on one of her shoes (because her shoes are just that yummy) (of course).

Billie's top performances are collected in this wonderful 2-CD set. Yes, I know, there's tons of Billie compilations out there, and we all have a few, but this one stands out given its gorgeous restoration work - her voice seems to waft like smoke out of the speakers - and a fine selection of songs. You've never heard  her "Foggy Day" sound this good before.

Brace yourself. Now it can be told. The Secret Song File had a child a few years ago. Did she give it away for adoption? No, but she doesn't exactly take care of the little crumb-catcher, either. Who has time? She has a Back-Up Mommy, as the say - the one below, who's trying to yank that precious dumpling up a flight of stairs, the fool - which, in its own way, is kind of like having a Back-Up Singer.

You know, the ones who look good on stage and - shhh! - do a lot of the real singing in the recording studio. There was even a documentary made about them recently, and with it, this all-new soundtrack with prime cuts from the likes of Bowie, Lou Reed and lots more. Which got me to thinking, who knows who's singing what anymore? 

Are we even real anymore? Are you a hologram? If an existentialist dies in the woods, do the trees really care? 

Share your loopy theoretical thoughts in the comments, if you like! 

A Bevy Of Late-Summer Treats! Plus A Good Chums Secret Song!

Summer is almost over. Balls, I say, balls! Fall arrives, back to school, back to work, the holidays, the traffic. Pretty soon, we'll all be very busy. But, hey, maybe by Christmas, Tom Cruise will have a new girlfriend. The new TV season will be starting, too. Which reminds me, when I was just a wee thing, I only knew Nancy Walker as "that lady in the paper towel commercials," and later, as Rhoda's mother, having no idea that she was a major force on Broadway (towards the end of her career, she also directed the movie "Can't Stop The Music") (but let's not go there).

In 1959, she starred in "My Square Laddie," a giggly send-up of "My Fair Lady" in which she played a tough, gum-smacking Brooklyn broad (what else?) who makes a bet with her girlfriend Zasu Pitts that she can turn a stuffy Englishman into a Brooklyn roughneck. "What makes a limey such a priss?" she asks Zasu. And yes, this is a Cheerful Exclusive! Yippee!

The LP unfolds like an old-fashioned radio play, with lots of snappy dialogue and bubbly underscore between the songs - this is a good thing in this case - and the songs? How can you go wrong with "My Fair Lady" send-ups like "I'm Kinda Partial To His Puss" and "I Could Have Boozed All Night?"

I swear I've become obsessed with Martha Raye in the past year or so. She's pictured below entertaining the troops in Vietnam, something she also did in WWII and the Korean War (she's the only civilian woman to earn the rank of Colonel, plus an honorary membership with the Green Berets, and the only woman to be buried with full military honors at Fort Bragg). I thought I had most of her releases, but lo-and-behold, I didn't.

For those who still remain unconvinced of how terrific she was as a singer - or can't get past the poor quality of some of her old scritchy-scratchy releases (and I understand that) - then you're in for a wonderful Cheerful Exclusive treat. Hooray! Here's a spanking-new release with gorgeously remastered tracks. I swear, she's never sounded better.

Speaking of never better and always fabulous, behold Miss Billie Holiday (in a rare color photo):

"I hate straight singing," she once said. "I have to change a tune to my own way of doing it. That's all I know." And that was enough. More than enough. Especially with "Lady Sings The Blues," reputedly her favorite LP, and it's not hard imagine why.

From the first title song - which will practically blast out of your speakers (in a good way) - this is jazz singing at its best and most soulful. Did she have the best voice? No. Could she interpret her songs better than practically any other jazz singer before or since? Oh my God, yes. And don't worry, "Strange Fruit" is here. I don't think this song will ever age or lose its heartbreaking power.

Tony Curtis. What a likable jackass. God only knows knows what he's doing in "Taras Bulba," an awful 1962 movie which is so dull it unfolds like molasses. It also stars Yul Brynner doing his usual, late-career, macho-gasbag thing that people somehow found virile. But whatever.

So why are we talking about this movie with an awful title based on a great book? Because, soundtrack-heads, it has a fantastic, unsung, super-rare score by Franz Waxman, one that Bernard Herrmann, a cranky sort who wasn't given to undeserved praise, called "the score of a lifetime."

This version includes the entire score in a new recording and it's almost impossibly grand and sweeping and romantic. If you've enjoyed Waxman's "Sunset Boulevard" or "Bride of Frankenstein," then trust me, this is so up your alley (and be patient, it's a 2-CD download) (fold some laundry or something while it's doing its thing and it'll be ready in no time).

The Secret Song File is feeling artistic-ish today, but don't worry, there ain't nothing Hipster going on here, m'k? Dreaded Hipsters, as you know, come from Brooklyn, but so do a lot of good things, like this Brooklyn-based group whose music has alternately been labeled Nu Disco, Dance Pop, Indie Electro and Chic Pop Lite (honestly, they must tie up some queen in a back room till he comes up with new genre labels these days) (all of which tell you nothing) (but I digress).

Labels aside, this supernew CD is just larkish fun - and a nice way to ride out the summer. Who are they? I can only give you one hint, and I swear it's all you'll need. Jennifer Aniston earned lasting fame by appearing on the sitcom (fill-in-the-blank). Okay? It's that easy. That's their name. For reals. I'm totally telling the truth.

Would I lie to you, honey? Oh, no, no, no!

And, hey, confabulate in the comments if the mood strikes.