Dietrich's Live, Ernestine's Most, Plus Burt's Bare Sharky And A Douche-Hat Secret Song!

Dietrich. No one delivers the look of I-have-absolutely-no-fucks-not-a-damn-to-give better than her. Behold: the eyebrows arched in permanent whatever; the half-lidded eyes that look you up and down and say, "Meh;" the cigarette barely balanced in her gloved hands - because she just doesn't care if it drops and burns you. She. Just. Doesn't. Care. And yet we still love her, don't we? I know I do. 

In this first of three Cheerful Exclusives!, Le Dietrich performs live in Brazil, land of the permanent suntan, cheap plastic surgery and various Brazilian bombshells. The year was 1959, and the audience was more than appreciative. Who wouldn't be? She performed all her big hits - "The Boys In The Backroom," "Makin' Whoopee!" amongst others - and she was in fine voice. And by that I mean she sounds just as you want her to sound. Like Dietrich. 

I love hearing great performers live, because even though there's always a few imperfections here or there, you get a deeper feel for what their songs really mean to them - and how they work up their audiences as they put them across. Some seduce you with crackling sophistication, like Anita O'Day, others wear their hearts on their sleeves, like Judy Garland. Ernestine Anderson? She throws thunderbolts.

In 1957, Ernestine pretty much laid them all flat when she performed this live set. It's not just a good performance, it's a great one. For modern ears, she's probably the most accessible classic jazz singer out there, but that doesn't take away from what she's doing here. By making simple, emotionally direct vocal choices, then boldly magnifying them, she speaks to everyone. That's a style that's virtually out-of-style - every singer these days seems to overcompensate with distracting honks and wails (it's like you're being ambushed by a flock of hellish birds) - so when you hear it done right, as Ernestine does here, it can sound like the freshest thing you've ever heard.

I've come to like Burt Reynolds over the years. As a child, I just didn't get him, probably because every time I saw him he was on a talk show (I wasn't old enough to get into most of his movies) (no, really). Whether chatting with Merv or Johnny, he was all greasy show-biz self-assurance and I instinctively recoiled (I get the same vibe nowadays from Ben Affleck; all that bland megalomania). But after I was old enough to rent his movies, and separate the "personality" from the performer, it was like meeting someone new. "Deliverance," "The Longest Yard," "Hustle," "Semi-Tough" - they're all classics.

"Sharky's Machine" holds up well, too, and its 1981 soundtrack, recently reissued, sounds terrific. This isn't a typical soundtrack for the early 80's; the song tracks aren't modern, but instead reflects the era's flashy downward spiral in Atlanta, the movie's setting. That means you get some terrific jazz tunes from Peggy Lee, Randy Crawford, Doc Severinsen and Chet Baker. It's a lot of fun, and just a bit sleazy, too. In other words, it's perfect.

A lot of fun. Just a bit sleazy. Is someone calling her name? The Secret Song File is here for your amusement, and today, she's feeling a little innocent (I know, I know, let's all just humor her).

To set the mood, she's playing a spanking new CD from a certain Academy Awards show-performing R&B singer (and yes, he finally got rid of that silly hat) (which I kind of liked). It might sound strange to call his CD "innocent" - you can add an "ish" to the end of it, if you like - but it's definitely upbeat. In fact, there doesn't seem to be a single cynical note in the whole thing. Shocking, I know, but let's all just go with it.

'Fun 'n' Sleazy!' should be the name of a band, don't you think? 

Have all the fun you want in the comments!

Bucket Of Sads: Sheila MacRae

Ka-pow! To the moon (and beyond)!

Carol Front, Back & Heart, Dakota Live, The Mysterious Ruth, Plus Naughty Movie Girls And An Indigo Fang Secret Song!

Carol Lawrence, the original "Maria" in Broadway's "West Side Story," is a strange brew. She's all butterflies and rainbows above, yet below, she's pure sass and ass.

She's had a strange career, too, careening from the Broadway stage to TV guest shots to hosting "Chef Du Jour" on the Food Network (the show was inspired by her own cookbook, "I Remember Pasta") (I'm so not kidding). In other words, Carol will sell it sweet, Carol will sell it sexy, Carol will sell it al dente with bechamel and mushrooms and a shaving or two of parm.

But then, this is a gal whose greatest fame comes from being an Italian playing a Puerto Rican (and quite memorably, by all accounts). She's also one of the last-standing Broadway singers who surely wouldn't need amplification if she took to the stage today. This is another way of saying that her singing voice on 1962's "This Heart Of Mine" - an Al Dente Cheerful Exclusive! - isn't what you'd call traditionally pretty, but it is wonderfully striking, and, yes, a little innocent here, and little insolent there. Carol gives you the whole pot of goods.

No, those are not two, teensy chandeliers hanging from Dakota Staton's ears below, though I understand your confusion (if I had a mouse, I'd hang them in his teensy dining room).

Dakota, as you know, is a jazz and blues singer who wasn't appreciated as much as she should have been in her day; she's at least as distinctive as Dinah Washington, for example. But Dakota never threw in the towel. Her last LP, "Live At Milestones" - a Cheerful Exclusive! for you and yours - was released only one month before her death in 2007. She was 76, and make no mistake, she was still on fire.

Speaking of unappreciated, when will Ruth Olay get her due? This one-of-a-kind singer started out "passing" as a black singer - she wanted to work with a group of talented black musicians, and they were in on the carefully guarded secret - then years later, found moderate success after appearing on TV's "The Jack Parr Show."

In 1966, she released "Soul In The Night" - an Oh, Olay Cheerful Exclusive! - and it's thrilling, spooky and jaw-dropping all at the same time, or what I've decided to label the first "film-noir jazz vocal LP." Why film-noir? Because you can sense danger in each of the songs here, and raw, unhinged madness in her vocals - which can soar and whoosh in any direction at any given moment.

You'll know what you're in for from the first track, "Willow, Weep For Me," when she sings the opening lyric, "Oh, Lord, why did you send the darkness to me?" The drama's heightened to the nnth degree by her tremulous voice, which sounds as if she's shuddering on a street corner in the black of night. And that's just the first line of the first song.

Let's pause a moment to appreciate the glam-moor of 1970's-era Mitzi Gaynor:

You probably have some of the songs from the compilation below, but I'll bet you don't have all of them. There's Mitzi, of course, Dolores Grey, our old friend Jo Ann Greer, Gwen Verdon, and so many more in yet another Cheerful Exclusive! 

It's just the album to play as you wait with baited breath for the Oscars tomorrow. Are you in an Oscar poll? Are you going to play spot-the-dealer during the red carpet arrivals (take three guesses)? Will you mistake Johnny Depp in his flouncy gear for a beautiful middle-aged lesbian? Will Lupita N'yongo once again look stunning? Will Ryan Seacrest do something stupid? The suspense is killing me!

The Secret Song File has been to the Oscars on many occasion. Okay, okay, as a seat warmer, but somebody has to do the job while Clooney's off balling some doll in the loo (it happens more than you think) (but he's such a gentleman about it!). It's times like these that the Secret Song yearns for a little subtlety, especially if it comes in the form of a new - and fanged (*cough*cough*) - indie crooner.

But seriously, this is a terrif new singer, and if the second half of the CD's better than the first half, at least it builds. Plus he's an eyeful to look at and that never hurts. Oh, and while we're on the subject of eyefuls (and subtlety), will this delicate flower be walking the red carpet this year? We can only hope and pray.

I voted for Lupita!

Leave your Oscar rants in the comments, if you like. 

Della Delivers, Sheila's First Time, Plus Bossa Nova Boogie And A Ghost-Of-Etta Secret Song!

Vogue, vogue, vogue! Della Reese gives good face. And did you know? She's the daughter of a Native American mother and an African-American father. As a child, she was active in her church choir - and just as religiously, accompanied her mother to the movies on a weekly basis. She was enthralled by stars like Bette Davis, Lena Horne and Joan Crawford (because of course she was). All that early schooling, so to speak, must have helped. By age thirteen, she was already on the road with legendary gospel queen Mahalia Jackson.

Speaking of movies, if you're having friends over for the Oscars, there's no better pre-Oscar party LP than Della's 1961 "Special Delivery," a Delightfully Della Cheerful Exclusive!

To say that it has "sock" and "pow" is a bit of an understatement. From the first track, "Bill Bailey Won't You Please Come Home," it's like her voice is being shot out of a canon. Sadly, most people only know her from "Touched By An Angel," and while I'm happy it's given her an annuity - don't even think of messing with her pocketbook - let's not forget that she's a top-drawer jazz and blues singer, too (I mean, I know we know) (I'm talking about your friends) (obviously).

And now onto another killer jazz singer, the shockingly unheralded (at least in comparison to her peers) Sheila Jordan.

A close friend of Charlie Parker, Sheila was well-known in jazz circles in the 50's and 60's and recorded her first LP, "Portrait Of Sheila," in 1963. And, yes, it's a Cheerful Exclusive! 'specially for you. Upon first listen, it won't take you long to figure out why she was cherished by not just Parker, but a who's-who of jazz greats.

My favorite track on this LP is "Dat Dere," which she starts simply enough - then her voice takes flight in almost every direction, like blooming fireworks. You've heard how this-or-that jazz singer has a voice like a musical instrument, right? In "Dat Dere," and elsewhere on this LP, Shirley's voice is an entire orchestra.

They say anyone can dance, and maybe they're right (or maybe they're not). But no matter, you have to practice if you're going to get better. Just ask Baby:

I swear to you, after playing "Bossa Novaville" for barely a minute, my Cuban Luvuh was up on the floor in a shot, shaking his hips to the beat. I'm not kidding. Either Cubans can't resist Bossa Nova (which is certainly possible), or the lure of Bossa Nova is just too strong - for anyone. I'll go for the latter, and I bet'cha you will, too, when you listen to one of the best "Ultra Lounge" compilations ever put out. For reals. It's that good.

Some things fly under the radar - even for the Secret Song File, though she'll never admit it. At a chichi restaurant, when I told her I was still enjoying a CD by a certain R&B diva released in 2013, she said, "Oh, yes, that 'change-is-going-to-make-me-cum' girl. I know her." No, no, no, I told her, that was her 2005 CD, this one's from last year, and it's a tribute to Etta James. "Right, that one," she said unconvincingly. "OhmyGod, I love it. You ordering dessert? Let's split dessert."

She later asked if she could borrow the CD from me since she misplaced her copy. "Which I played," she added quickly. "Before. Many times. Last year." Yes, it's true; I'm afraid while the Secret Sing File will always look flawless, she's really a terrible liar.

"It's even better than I remember!" she said the next day.

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies (in the comments) (if you're so moved).

Revenge Of The Secret Song: Hot Mama Edition!

Purr-fectly wicked. Kitty would approve.