Happy Holidays With Steve & Eydie And Many More!

Oh, happy day - or days, plural, I should say, because this is the time of year when most of us get time off from work. Who knows what trouble you'll get into? So go on now, put on your dancin' shoes, knock back some eggnog and dance, fool, dance:

Or chill with some festive holiday music. There's so much to choose from, but let's start with a classic. You can't go wrong with Steve & Eydie (especially if your parents are visiting), and given the recent passing of Eydie this year, this LP is especially poignant.

Next, an indispensable collection of Yuletide cheer with sultry soul. This is truly one of the best holiday CDs ev-ah! And, okay, I may be a teensy bit obsessed with it, but that's because it's so shocking to find a new-ish holiday CD that'll stand the test of time. I know, right? I'm still shocked.

I don't remember my family ever playing "A Merry Mancini Christmas" over the holidays - did yours? - but I wish they had. Actually, when you listen to it, you'll almost feel as if it was played when you were a child. There's something so homespun about it - with just a light kicker of jazz. And, yes, I'll confess, it actually does warm my heart (whenever I dig it up from the backyard).

Everything's Archie! If you can't get enough of The Archies, guess what? They put out a Christmas LP. Is it as good as you want it to be? Not exactly, but it's still fun (and kids, if you know or have any, will love it). Plus, there's one track, "Archie's Christmas Party" that sounds like Bananarama on speed with sleigh bells. Which is either fabulous or horrific, depending on your point of view.

And now for some mmmmm-buttah! Actually, just so you know, this isn't a new CD, but a new compilation, and it's a pretty darn good, bringing together the best of her 1967 and 2001 Christmas LPs. I love her version of "I'll Be Home For Christmas." It's sublime, like the best French manicure. 

I adore Kelly Clarkson, too. Her music? I kinda go back and forth - some of it I enjoy, some if it's like white noise. But rejoice, Clarkson fans, because her holiday CD is Clarkson at her best. Plus she does a smashing Big Band version of "My Favorite Things," which I would like to think is a big f-u to this Swiss Miss mess, but that's me (and, really, it could be true) (please let it be true).

Meanwhile, I don't want to neglect other faiths. Unfortunately, for my Kwanzaa friends out there, all I have is the single "Happy Kwanzaa" by Teddy Pendergrass (but who doesn't like Pendergrass?).

As for my friends out there celebrating Hanukkah, I just can't with this, but I wholeheartedly endorse Kenny Ellis' now classic 2005 "Hanukkah Swings!", and believe me, it earns that exclamation point. Who knew the "Dreidel Song" would swing so well? (not me) (although on second thought, it kind of makes sense). And can you really go wrong with a CD that includes "Hanu-Calypso?" I think not.

As a kid, I never got into "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" because it felt like it was trying to be "good for me" or teach me "life lessons" and I was way too hardcore for that. Yet I enjoyed the music, and this soundtrack includes not only the songs, but plenty of incidental music, the original network intro and a few promotional adverts, too. In other words, it's a Rudolph orgy!

Stand back! Grandmas everywhere are clamoring for La Boyle's latest seasonal offering. Say what you will about her (she's ugly as butt) (she's a crazy cat lady) (she's mentally unsound), but she does have a terrific voice. Yet too often in this CD, it's buried under overbearing production. Still, a few tracks, like "The Christmas Waltz" and "In The Bleak Midwinter," are lovely; they put her little-girl-lost voice right out front where it belongs. Suddenly, she seems pretty, and maybe, just maybe, not so batshit crazy after all.

Where almost done, but we gotta keep the holiday vibe going strong, don't you think? So who, I ask, can really kick-start the room? Wait, I know! This guy:

Hell, yeah, it's Ray Charles! Timeless singer, timeless songs. No brainer. And if you've seen "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation," then you're already familiar with the title song. There's even a duet with Betty Carter. Believe me, this will fire up any holiday gathering. 

Are there Beatles fans out there? Count me as one of them, of course (from "Revolver" onward, at least) (and, yes, I know I'm going to get flack for that) (bring it on, yo!). This compilation of their seasonal greetings - on the BBC and elsewhere - doesn't exactly include complete songs, but instead features the lads chatting, joking and generally being "cheeky," as they say in the UK.

If some of you are making holiday mixes (you know who you are), drop-kick a few of these tracks in-between songs to shake things up a bit. Even non-Beatles fans will be charmed.

Have you O.D.'d on the holidays already? It's no surprise. My local CVS had Christmas decorations up the day before Halloween. Before. Everywhere you go, Mariah's screaming "Jingle Bells" or Michael Buble's warbling "Santa Baby," or God forbid, this train-wreck singing "A Very Ke$ha Christmas." There's no escape. The cure to what ails you? One word: Bongos (Tino Contreras' version of "Brazil" will make you levitate with happiness). Trust me on this one.

Maybe you don't want feel all "happy-happy" during the holidays. Maybe you want to feel all down 'n' dirty. I get it. We all get it (we don't want to see it, but we get it). And, no, I'm not talking just naughty, I'm talking filth. Pure mud. Interested? Then try Avenue D, the sexually explicit electroclash duo from Miami whose underground hit, "Do I Look Like A Slut?" is obscene, hilarious, and an anthem, of sorts, for proud hos everywhere. Include it in a mix of otherwise innocuous holiday songs and you'll really get the family's attention.

Have fun at all your holiday get-togethers, but remember, don't drink and drive, carry rubbers, clean that gunk out from beneath your fingernails (people notice!), and for every gift you receive, slap a Post-It note on it with the name of the person who gave it to you.

Why? Because, silly, there's nothing more embarrassing then re-gifting a junky ashtray or a Spirit Sister silver necklace or an All-In-One soup and salad bowl or a Map Of The World rayon pillow to the person who gave it to you. It can happen!

Happy Ho-Ho, everyone!

Leave a lump of coal or a pretty-pretty thought in the comments, if you like.

Super-Exclusive Anita, A Bounty From Burgalat, Plus A Buttery Box, An X-Rated Cat, And An Orange-Like A Secret Song!

Be careful there, Anita! You're going to poke somebody's eyes out with those things! And hold tight, dear readers, because today brings more Anita O'Day treasures. In this Go, Anita, Go, Cheerful Exclusive! you'll hear live, late-era Anita (post-heroin-self-rehab) (of course) performing with everything she's got at Tokyo's "Club Sometime" in 1978. Interestingly, no one even knew that this recording existed until 2006; it was found shoved in a suitcase in the back of Anita's gold-painted LeSabre (of course it was gold), along with several more tracks, their origin unknown.

From the easy swing of the opening track "Lover Come Back To Me," to her gorgeous take on "On A Clear Day You Can See Forever," and on to the conclusion with "Night & Day" (where her ensemble really lets it rip), this is Anita nirvana, especially if you're inclined (like I am) to all things Anita (and I know you are). As for the bonus tracks of unknown origin, I'm partial to "So Nice." The way she bounds like a gazelle from one note to the next is thrilling.

Bertrand Burgalat (just below, looking a bit like your favorite gadabout college art prof) (those glasses!) (so wrong!) (but so right!) was doing lounge-ish, post-punk electronica waaaay before it was fashionable, and in this Oui-Oui Cheerful Exclusive! France's abstract answer to Air offers you all of his "inedits," or unpublished work. This is the 2-CD bonus track version, which means you get the full breadth of his work; ambient pop, post-punk revival, electronica. and what someone (somewhere) is calling nouvelle chanson (let's just go with it).

But really, his music is impossible to categorize, and sadly, that may be why he's never caught on in the U.S. We like to pigeonhole our artists, or at least the record companies do. I only found out about him because some reviewer in the old "Wallpaper" magazine (don't judge) (this was years ago) (okay, judge, I can't stop you) wrote a great review of his latest effort and I happened to pick it up. If you're unfamiliar with his work like I was, "Inedits" is a fantastic introduction, I promise.

Buttah, buttah, buttah. Le Barbra has been with us so long, it's hard to remember when she wasn't around. I first became aware of her as a wee little thing when "Funny Girl" aired on TV as a "special" movie event - and she had me at "I'm the Greatest Star." In just one song, she seemed to channel Groucho Marx, Bugs Bunny and Buster Keaton, and brought it all home with sock-pow vocals. I'd never seem - or heard - anything like it before. I was hooked.

To say that she's disappointed me over the years is a bit of an understatement, and it's disheartening to watch her these days as she turns into a humorless grande dame, as if abandoning her singular gift for comedy - and musical-comedy - were the only route toward becoming a "serious artist." But whatever. I love early-Buttah, and late-Buttah, too. That's the advantage of a decades-long career. There's always something to like no matter where you look.

This terrific box set includes something for everyone. Not only does it span nearly the entirety of her career (going up to her first Broadway LP), it also includes a big helping of alternate takes of her biggest hits, and demos, too.

Sometimes, as my Cuban Luvuh noted, its a little strange. When you hear the demo for "Papa, Can You Hear Me" for example, you can understand why she included it, but it also feels like your memory's being messed with because it's not how it plays in your brain. Still, if you like Buttah, this is a big heaping (and fattening) slab of it. Mmmmmmmbuttah!

From butter to porn. Why not? In 1972, Ralph Bakski broke all the rules with the X-rated animated movie "Fritz The Cat." Based on the comic strip by Ralph Crumb, it was anything but politically correct, and it still has mild shock value today, mostly for the depiction of its black characters, which can be seen as "hip" archetypes or flat-out racist depictions (depending on your point of view) (I lean towards the latter) (but feel free to disagree). Does it hold up, otherwise? Is it worth watching now? Not really.

Yet happily, the soundtrack music by Ed Bogas and Ray Shanklin more than stands the test of time. Bogas started out as a psychedelic rocker, and with Shanklin, created wall-to-wall, finger-snapping R&B for both "Fritz The Cat" and "Heavy Traffic." The sound is ageless cool, as if the tracks were created for the best blacksploitation movie ever made. It may not be worth it to watch "Fritz the Cat," but it's worth giving it a listen.

She's back! It's Gunslinger Gilda, the Secret Song File's BFF! Oh, and it's not a machine gun hidden under her pillow this time, it's a machete (just to set the record straight). Also under her pillow? Her iPod, of course, first generation and still truckin'. If it ain't broke, she ain't gonna buy a new one, m'k?

But she does keep it stocked with fresh tunes. Her latest? Just the bangin' new CD by a pop-funk-punk group (what's with all the mash-up with labels these days?!). This band enjoys oranges (*cough*) and happens to be, um, a little bloody (*cough*cough*). Why this duo hasn't broken through to the mainstream is a mystery to Gunslinger Gilda, but they will if she has anything to do with it. Give it a try. Or you might see that machete sooner than you think. Yeeow!

You can cut a lot of oranges with a machete. 

Leave a slice of whatever in the comments, if you like!